Funny news satire EVM refuse to produce current

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Satire:EVMs have always sleepless nights days before any elections and funily this Delhi election 2020 was no different to EVM fraternity.

Despite all the awkwardly hard touches,oogling by the civilized,patriotic Indians;EVMs have never complained and shied away from the national duty .But Modi government initiative to use its resources in a multi-purpose way has made EVMs unhappy .

They have already heard thrillers out of mocktails of bankers,jan dhan accounts,insurance policy,on duty deaths.

As per home ministry press note, EVMs are now expected to deliver power transmission to a different planet. Home Minister Amit shah is told to be a meticulous hard worker.

Election commission has substantiated it by his good grades in social engineering degree from the universities of state and national elections.

Shah’s chanakya mind is always in precise lookout for using patented in house Chronology technology to set things straight.

He used this consistent,never failing technique on EVM fraternity and informed them “First you will supply electricity. After electricity ,you will count vote.We are not going to go back an inch. Chronology samjhiye”

He went on to explain to a group of EVMs saying “Please note electrification of entire India is already completed in 2018.

We are the chosen ones to patent and use EVM technology to transmit electricity to a different planet.

The first beneficiary from this current transission technology will be Shaheen Bagh region of Mars. Since it is inhouse project, lot depends on you guys for India’s reputation.

Your ability to take huge emotional and physical pressure led ISRO and Power Ministry to recommend your names for this job”

Amit Shah further explained “Since it’s going to be a technology of future and a guiding light to universe, Deshbhakt citizens are dying to attain immortality by playing their role.

They will shout out loud ‘HEY MOGAMBO’at mach 3 while pressing hard on your buttons during Delhi Elections 2020.

You need to sustain such extreme nationalist emotional and physical pain for the sake of motherland.

Your replying back by “KHUSH HUA” is quintessential to complete the transmission circuit. These two super codes of Hey Mogambo and khush hua are DNA for electrons to attain escape velocity to reach Shaheen bagh.”

Amit shah sensing EVMs discomfort in understanding of this complex technology said in a simpler line “please shout back khush hua when you hear hey mogambo

EVMs are panicked after this ET adventure apart from duties of elections as mentioned in their SOPs.

In panick they have counted delhi elections 2025 votes as well and declared Kejriwal to be a winner in 2025 with 52 seats.

This has led Social scientists to conclude that EVMs will be good for democratic election process instead of electriification drive of cosmos.

Pornography is a menace so is Dennis:Humour

Humour NEWS :Pornography is menace, we are working to curb it announced one of the government ministers.This news has sent shockwaves higher than Tsunami of 2004.

Social scientists have joined ‘art of leaving’ such complicated issues of freedom,sex and porn seekers . Teeenegers were seen looking for hard drives like Zombies.

Youths were seen praying to get enough strength and time to prepare them for the hardships of future without porn. Moms were wiping tears of these hungry porn warriors by their pallus.

Fathers were seen running door to door for hard drives to secure their child’s future. Last time when commotion and confusion of this level happened was over discontinuation of videos from hello friends,chai pi lo aunty on tiktok

Sudden surge for hard drives urges have led to crashing down of servers of Flipkart,Amazon in India. People with less memory hard drives were seen memorising various lessons of leones,Khalifas,Daniels .

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They want to embed these beautiful life changing memories forever till their last breath.

Boys in the entire country were scratching their body parts such as  hands, heads,balls  and pressing stress ball infrequently.

Reporters have heard painful moans of remorse, rudali coming especially from their hostels.

Some boys are still unable to understand this harsh inhumane depressing decision of banning innocent and beautiful science of learning arts ,motions and sound

.As per youth wing activist “There is no such beautiful science as Pornography where a student learns about various complex private body parts in hearing mindblowing beethoven moans at different frequencies with application of Newton laws to the human body.

Such a vast relevant subject of pornography has been strenghting concepts of physics,biology and geographies of millions of youths across india. We will urge government to reconsider its policy on pornography.”

One of the Hollywood enthusiast  said “if  Pornography is a menace and should be banned ,why the hell Dennis,who also is the menace,still continuing in India?

Government has singal point agenda of depriving our kids the greatest subject of humanity by preventing emancipation by pornography ”.

Satire:Rahul Gandhi on budget

Satire: Rahul Gandhi sarcasm on budget 2020 and Finance Minister has created ‘Chronology samajhiye’ like fear in Nirmala Sitharaman and government .His sarcastic and funny one liners were hallmark of his press conference.

Delhi JAL board was unable to meet huge rise in demand for drinking water from Lutyens Delhi.

It is reported that secretary and officials of Finance ministry are drinking water faster than it is coming in taps while preparing answers for Rahul Gandhi’s questions.

This kind of situation has only happened sometimes with Rajnikant and his jokes.

Rahul Gandhi satirical remarks were precise on Finance Minister and this news was the marijuana for TV anchors. Ravish Kumar was seen doing Holi Dance in NDTV studio after press conference,Anjana Om kashyap wanted a full role in movies instead of just 20-30 second appearances, Rahul kanwal wanted to bat at no. 2 in IPL 2020 continously repeating that he is Rahul Dravid of his company.

Few jounalists are still holding onto Rahul Gandhi pictures just like a kid looking for his lost mom .Time has confirmed Nasa scientist predictions about 1% rise in sea level due to tears of happiness coming from Congress supporters. Rahul Gandhi had raised below issues in his Press conference.

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Rahul Gandhi jolted the press conference with the hard hitting question of no income tax for nursery kids.These conglomerates generate wealth from experienced rich investors like grandparents,uncles,aunties from different countries.

Yet their black money is still lying in the safe heavens of their piggybanks.

Rahul thinks that taxing them will help government to transfer Rs 15 lacs under DBT scheme within few hours of taxing these rich entities.

Rahul said “No infrastructure fund of Pikdaani allocated for security watchmen or Chowkidars in this year budget .Prime Minister despite being the chowkidaar for 6 years has not allocated any fund for basic Pikdaanis Fund to take care of his chowkidaar friends.

Rahul also critised in a satirial way “Government is divisive in nature and has further divided the income tax slabs into more categories in budget 2020.

This kind of divisive economics by Finance Ministry leads to mental imbalances in poor billionaires who feel left out.

They loose their piece of mind when they are forced to use only one slab and missing benefits of all other slabs.

Health Ministry has tabled a report mentioning all such poor patients suffering from ‘missed opportunity in tax saving’ syndrome. Café Coffee Day promoter was reported to show same syndrome before his suicide.

Rahul Gandhi started crying while explaining the fact that despite strict guidelines of IMF to keep ths year budget speech for less than 1 hour,FM Nirmala Sitharaman went on for 2.5 long hours.This has lead to huge losses to the tune of 1 lakh crore to the exchequers due to extra light,electricity bills.

After this press conference,Dr Manmohan Singh was seen wiping tears and smiling for only nano second which only HD DSLR cameras could capture.

Sonia Gandhi was seen preparing arti thali and Smriti Irani tweeting PM to change her parliamentary constituency. This new Rahul Gandhi with his views on budget 2020 has jolted Finance Ministries of the globe.

PM Modi on budget today-Historical budgets are the future

Budget today

PM Modi said historical budgets are for future after budget 2020 was presented today .His tweet read as “budget today has given us a special and historical budget of future”. It has some correlation with finance ministry collecting historical data from wikipedia which itself is dependent on government sources.For the first time in Indepedent India,government outwitted wikipedia by sourcing its data.This is also a classic case of PPP Model as envisaged by current governement.

Also FM Nirmala Sitharaman has few of her team members with Phd in history .Minister of state is already giving historical speeches matching ‘tryst with destiny’ of 1947. PM Modi is aptly right about high quantity of history in budget today.

Opposition leaders have come up prepared with long nails to bite it when camera is on them. Rahul Gandhi was already doing a chai pe charcha with himself in Parliament gallery.He was seen memorising Gunda dialogues for his opinion on union budget today

Raghuram Rajan has already tweeted” With global hunger index going up and India well being in top 10 hungry nations,India need to increase their advertisement spending about controlling minds of poor. This can reduce hunger by 51% by nudging poors for festive fasts of Navratra.You are only hungry when your mind is empty.He proposes quarterly Navratras combined with pyschotherapy sessions by Nithyanand type consultants as his sugggestion for budget.

Sensex in Mumbai is already on its marks to go up as it has now almost 20 years experience of climbing up every budget day. It is much ike performing a Ganpati Visharjan dance every year. Investors are already excited about budget today because they can see sex in sensex.Basic ‘animal spirit’ just never fades away with or without good budget today. Nifty is pruning itself with all the makeup accessories items of top 10 stocks .It will follow the man of the house ,Sensex.PM Modi tweeted later in the day “history will judge our budget today by its sheer length of time.”

Republic day song ‘Ek country thi diwani si’ funny bollywood news satire

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India woke up on 26th January with Republic day song with a Bollywood connection “Ek country thi diwani si,ek consitution pe wo marti thi” literally meaning that There was a lovely country which fell in love for its constitution. I could exactly hear ShahRukh Khan in YRF’s Mohattein delivering the famous line of the film.

The surprising news though was twitter trend “China and UAE searching for Indian constitution”. When our reporter contacted Aladin Moderfker of aggresive ‘Tum bak tu’ Land,he confirmed that “Ek country thi diwani si” is the new chart buster in UAE for its music and pro democractic lyrics with rule of law music.Rulers of both the countries are also now bored and tired to every day declare different laws as per their mood for the same issues of their their la la land.

Joke of the day was the seriousness of the democratic proposal by leaders. They wanted their own Republic day song to be sung on their republic day. These rulers were cajoled by their expert bootlickers to follow their religious books. World’s Capitalism is the new western marijuana for these high seeking rulers. Modern day innocent angels who people call them as Capitalist have influenced these Aladins and Momo seekers to not have their Religious books as constitution. “They dont like R word”chirped one of the Aladins. Hence to find mid way path these rulers had to listen to Uncle Trump’s locker room talks.

Meanwhile, grandfather of Nepotism Karan Johar revsitied Parampara prathistha anthem of Mohabbatein and tweeted “ek country thi diwani si,ek constitution pe wo marti thi#celeberate republic day ,#bahut kuch hota hai#hop highs #peace.” He tagged Vicky kaushal and asking “how is the josh”.Vicky was already on a high with Uri tweeted Indian flag to remind about Dry day and avoid High adventures.

Trump on the other hand with, Iran bombings and hot babes in the hotel, was awake in the night tweeting about Mexico wall and tagged Narendra modi with the cryptic tweet ” i came, i tweeted and i slept,Jai Hind”. Syria and Iran have alerted their intelligence units to decipher what this twitter bomber actually wants at 2 am in the morning .

Twitter bird had to take 3 kgs of heavy dose of BOURNVITA to remain active for overload of emotions coming out for Indian Republic day song from twiter baratis ie twitteratis.Seems all of them are Ranbir and Karthik Aryan’s fan and taken ‘Shadi hai taiyaar hoke aiye’ thing too seriously.one of them suggested Twitter bird to have few extra sips of beer to avoid hangovers of Bournavita.