EVM Political satire in delhi elections 2020

trump-corona-political-satir

Satire:EVMs have always sleepless nights days before any elections and funily this Delhi election 2020 was no different to EVM fraternity.

Despite all the awkwardly hard touches,oogling by the civilized,patriotic Indians;EVMs have never complained and shied away from the national duty .But Modi government initiative to use its resources in a multi-purpose way has made EVMs unhappy .

They have already heard thrillers out of mocktails of bankers,jan dhan accounts,insurance policy,on duty deaths.

As per home ministry press note, EVMs are now expected to deliver power transmission to a different planet. Home Minister Amit shah is told to be a meticulous hard worker.

Election commission has substantiated it by his good grades in social engineering degree from the universities of state and national elections.

Shah’s chanakya mind is always in precise lookout for using patented in house Chronology technology to set things straight.

He used this consistent,never failing technique on EVM fraternity and informed them “First you will supply electricity. After electricity ,you will count vote.We are not going to go back an inch. Chronology samjhiye”

He went on to explain to a group of EVMs saying “Please note electrification of entire India is already completed in 2018.

We are the chosen ones to patent and use EVM technology to transmit electricity to a different planet.

The first beneficiary from this current transission technology will be Shaheen Bagh region of Mars. Since it is inhouse project, lot depends on you guys for India’s reputation.

Your ability to take huge emotional and physical pressure led ISRO and Power Ministry to recommend your names for this job”

Amit Shah further explained “Since it’s going to be a technology of future and a guiding light to universe, Deshbhakt citizens are dying to attain immortality by playing their role.

They will shout out loud ‘HEY MOGAMBO’at mach 3 while pressing hard on your buttons during Delhi Elections 2020.

You need to sustain such extreme nationalist emotional and physical pain for the sake of motherland.

Your replying back by “KHUSH HUA” is quintessential to complete the transmission circuit. These two super codes of Hey Mogambo and khush hua are DNA for electrons to attain escape velocity to reach Shaheen bagh.”

Amit shah sensing EVMs discomfort in understanding of this complex technology said in a simpler line “please shout back khush hua when you hear hey mogambo

EVMs are panicked after this ET adventure apart from duties of elections as mentioned in their SOPs.

In panick they have counted delhi elections 2025 votes as well and declared Kejriwal to be a winner in 2025 with 52 seats.

This has led Social scientists to conclude that EVMs will be good for democratic election process instead of electriification drive of cosmos.

Ranbir kapoor Alia Bhatt Marriage : Rishi kapoor Tribute

Ranbir Kapoor Alia bhatt

Rishi Kapoor tribute:Ranbir kapoor Alia bhatt marriage adventures has been the fodder for bollywood paparazzis for inumerable weekends now.

But our sources have confirmed that Ranbir has intentionally leaked his marriage date with Alia Bhatt to garner some media attention for his upcoming movie.

This confirmed movie does have unconfirmed ‘muhurat’ shot 3 yrs back .He, anyways , being a Rockstar is done doing enough Kun fayas fighting innocent Kung Fu s from hollywood.

He has strategically faked marriage in the past with likes of Deepika,Katrina and many unknown bushes who dont want to expose bollywood with budding UV lights of struggling actors like Ananya.

Rishi kapoor being the father of the groom was worried and tensed fully knowing his son. After 5 pegs he had a man to man talk with Ranbir about incoming woman . He wrote below letter expecting him to read it later which read as:

Dear Ranbir,

Hope you are doing fine after my 5 pegs. though I am drunk ,hope you are not for alia story. You already are living on a high 35th floor in wonderful amchi Mumbai ,don’t seek more ‘highs’ like karan’s house party having a new low for bollywood.

Beta, wanted to check with you “Are you sure this girl is the final one ?

knowing already that you are Kejriwal of Kapoor Khandaan ,you will be sure on odd days and doubtful on even day.

I and Nitu are ‘mummy kasam‘ sure about your kejriwal diaries found in your drawers. We know of your odd even marriage plans when you had a party last night at karan’s house.

We, as parents, managed on past few occasions as your victims were foreign expatriates from london. Luckily and some had sporting family taking the game of love with a sporting ‘spirits‘.

This time we have a far deadly species to deal with as your proposed future in law .THE MAN has made films like Jakhm,Dushman, ,Raaz jism,murder and many more films which are violent and emotionally disturbing .

If you give him a jakhm you will be his dushman and he will share your jism for murder. So avoid playing games of Harmones with his daughter.

I am 100 percent sure this man will have many more such scripts in mind to produce if something goes wrong with his daughter.

I don’t want any new films on our family .

Rishi kapoor tribute in corona days for his cheerfulness .

Mahesh ji has an uncanny ability of making hit films and trust me, we dont want to get credits for his next hit.

Bhatt sahib is a nice chap but he is too slippery with his tounge. But His words sometimes tend to fall off from my ears. So, will request you to know ifs and buts before saying yes to BHATTs .

Considering how funny I am,hope you are sure to have this kind of FATHER IN LAW . Always remember Bhatt sahib brings his personal Jakhm on camera and showcases to the world after editing it.

India will miss Rishi for our MULK

I might tell him a bad joke which probably can offend him.Do we have a plan if he decides to make a ‘murder’ series if my joke offends him.

You can consult gossips master naughty Karan Johar to enhance your media image. He must have  already broken the news to you and paparazzi about your proposed marriage plans.

Karan is at his cosmic best such purity in fake smiles and honesty in lying in his press interactions.

His media friendly diplomatic communication is the talk of embassies across the globe. Indian goverment seeks his guidance on certain critical foreign ministry deadlocks . As karan says no to countries yet sounding like yes.

Learn it to blabber from the master. kuch kuch hota hai ,tum nahi samjhoge ranbir. Your father ,Rishi Chintu Kapoor…….

Ranbir exaperates on reading this long emotionally draining mail and loced the drunk sender for forever in his memory.

In the meantime, he is lost on Rabir kapoor alia bhatt jurno drama . Long live the departed soul before enacting it in real life.

Jokes in english for kids

jokes for kids

Craking jokes or good sense of humour is very important personality trait which with no negative side effects. Clean funny jokes help your little kids to laugh out loud. You also enjoy with with their laugh,unconsciously train them to be funny to be likeable and attract attention.Jokes makes kids more open to you ,be their friend and slowly getting ready for discussion on varied topics.

Kids jokes or clean jokes for kids is what parents of 10 year olds or less look for when they want want to be more friendly ,more cool,smart with their kids.

These jokes are intentionally kept clean and iis a mix of animal jokes,riddles,puns to pack your kids with jokes any day ,any time of the year.

What is the name of innerwear of cloud?
Thunderwear

what volcano do when they are angry?
Erupt

What will you call the smartest gram?
program

What will you call someone who urinates frequently ?
Peeman

what do you call a corn who enjoys music?
popcorn

What happened to benjamin franklin when he discovered electricity ?
En’light’ment

How does a bread react when it is surprised?
Breadcrumbs

what will an I say to another I?
you will never see me

Which is the most scientific ton?
Newton

Where will Halley’s comet land on earth ?
Helipad

who is the head in a bats family?
Batman

What will a tired bear say to its master?
i can not bear it any more

where are white elephants mostly found in Africa?
At their houses

what will be keys of ‘head of the goons’ be called as ?
Donkeys

What astronauts need in a crowded place?
space

What do policeman always keep while being on duty?
Watch

what will you call an old lamb travelling in a ship?
Sheep

What is the name of the country for fishes?
Finland

Why this dog is unable to bark ?
He is husky

Which game will you play with someone holding a ball in our park?
Baseball

What will you call the big cat with lots of courage?
lionheart

What will you name a dog’s magician?
Labracadabramann

what will you call a dog who bullies others?
Bulldog

Why is your brother feeling sleepy?
He was in slippers all day

Why computer is never hungry ?
It has chips

What is the name of the band formed by balloons ?Popoons

What is common game between a cat and a mouse ?
Atheletics

Who has two eyes and they never sleep? Spectacles

Which key is used on mondays ?
Monkey

What is the name of a dog walking in the summers?
Hotdog

How does every year ends in ?
Y

Under what situation you always eat fast ?
Breakfast

What should be one word approach for difficult times like nuclear war?
Cockroach

What kind of tree can be in your hands ?
palm tree

Name a thing which is red and smells like blue paint
Red paint

why computer is tired and slow ?
It has less bytes

A dianosaur with great english knowledge? Thesaurus

which animal is important in human game?
A bat

If a butcher wears XL T shirt ,what does he weigh?
Meat

What will you say to small flower when you meet ?
Whats up bud

why did the computer was cold?
Its windows was open

How do computers work so much ?
by having byes

How do you keep bull away from charging ?
you take away its cards

What is a funny mountain called ? Hill -arious

How do you get hard cash ?
By putting it in freezer

What happened when dog bite the comedian?
He felt funny

Joke for the Day

joke for the day

joke for the day or joke of the day page will make your memorable with smile on your face to start your day We have challenges but jokes empathise ,mock,laugh at us and life in general.Joke for the day is you are still looking for the damn one .

joke for the day

When life gives you lemons, just sell it & make some money.Dont start making lemonades ,you suck at it 🙂

joke for the day

Females can never stop chattering . Alexa ,Cortena,Google Assistant and Siri’s girlfriend, are all ladies

 

John:Why so many guys suck big time
Roger:Some childhood habits don’t really go away. In fact, few grow with time

 

Jhony thinks he is smart. He bullied me .Jhony just trolled innocent Nancy. Jhony loves Nancy and shares his everthing .Nancy actually loves her friend. Both Nancy and i love each other.

 

Banker : your check has bounced.
Johny :So long it was in my drawers ,it was lying flat
Banker:Your bank has not honoured it ?
Johny:These crooked capitalist never had any honour anyways

joke for the day 

why are angry dogs always hungry ?
Barking dogs seldom bite

 

 

Jokes for Adults

jokes for adults

jokes for adults are the ones which has double meaning, indirect remarks meaning to cause laughter

what will you do with a lying pole when a beautiful lady is unable to cross it ?
Erect

What wiill hen say to her husband when he is honking ?
Dont be so horny

Where does a cat keep its honey ?
Honeypot

what is the name of the projectile which is standing straight?
Erectile

Who is the best known jinn in Arabic stories ?
Virgin

What will a cock say to a cat when he visit her house ?
May i come in please

what will you say to your pussy when she scratches your face ?
you are a cunt

What will a parent cock say to his junior ?
You belong to the dicks

What is the name of the tool used by male cock?
Ramrod

What will name a beautiful cat ?
A fanny

Sam : Are you still virgin?
Susan:yes,just fcked an hour earlier and need some more .Do you mind lending a helping hand ? Sam: i have my big tool.
Susan:But a tool with inexperienced hands is dagerous for machine as well as the hands.

Dr Love is a painter,what should be his collection of paintings known as ?
Lovemakings

Which is the best course for a John and a Maria in university of life?
Intercourse

What will u call two Australian friends when you see them chit chatting ?
‘Mate’ing

What will a machine tell a fastener when it is tightening it hard ?
Dont screw up things

Satire on What Weather like today

how-is-weather-today-social-satire

“what weather like today?” surfed a curious net serfer. Nothing but big Mc Burger replies the weather to the old man.

“what weather like today? Is this the question you ask to the grown up adult of mother nature?” said an angry Colardo weather.He goes full on highly frustrated “the only modern day grandma of our planet,Greta Thunberg, knows the right way to deal with you bully.

How dare you ? when she thunders even Mr. Trump wonders “how dare I ?anyway,it must be democrats, is how he ignores her”

Colarado Weather has not taken it too well on finding so many guys breaching its privacy guaranteed under the constitution of America.

People are asking third parties bing,yahoo,google with questions like how is the weather, how weather today,weather today,weather,tomorrow,weather hourly,weather 5 day, weather 7 days,weather forecast ?

Colardo weather says “don’t you guys have courtesy to directly contact me by being in heavens in the mornig and hell in the eveings ?

Why the hell you guys are bitching with third parties like google ,bing if the matter can be resolved bilaterally?”

He is rightly furious about not getting enough air to breathe free and space to walk easy in mountains,see the cloud.Constant surveillance and follow ups by humans has ruined his social life with its cousins forest,bird,rivers,all of them being part of his grandma Nature family tree.

So far Denver weather had been chilling like anything. Reported exchange of heated words,tweets and arguments in the senate discussion has led it to decide its course.

He thinks lowly of Nancy and for Trump he has ordered latest dictionary for something more extreme.

Colardo Weather being a patriotic american weather knows the right thing to do in these engulfing times of hate speeches,soaring tempers in public discussions.

It has been cool to think rationally for Colardo citizens. For America and for American social harmony, Denver Weather decided to chill for few more days.

Trump seems to be firing up all cylinders to take revenge for his lost tweeting hours due to impeachment trial.

Weather correspondents tried to establish contact but colardo weather is a private man and does not like giving predicting its mood tomorrow,today later in the day, or any other day.

He says I am moody ,don’t judge me by asking again and again “what whether like today?”

 

Nasa Humour in heavens as Christina Koch lands on earth

nasa christina koch humour tech sataire.

Nasa stands for National Aeronautics and Space Administration and NASA stands for Christina Koch on her return to Earth yesterday. Although she is back to her family but she does not feel home.

She is missing the company of stars during her stay in space.She also quoted “I do miss those smooth gravity free walks in space without any traffic and pollution”

Her senior at Nasa has confirmd that Koch is afraid to see herself in the mirror as she starts creeping in everytime she sees a human face without a space suit.

Doctors are treating her wearing hospital aprons and Studds helmets with complete glass visors .

Once she sees the doctors with helmets Chrisitna runs and hugs them and starts shouting “Jadoo my friend,Jadoo my friend” Though young Doctors are loving the new Cosmic hug straight from the ailes of the heaven,they are yet to find out a way to be a ‘jadoo’.

Doctors  are also struggling with ways to stop her from doing rounds of the hospital.

Doctors have reported that she is circling around the hospital 20 times every day to match her space schedule of having done some 5,248 orbits of the Earth .

Her mind is now obsessed to keep going round and round to give her a sense of cosmic connection.

Nasa, in the meantime, has confirmed that Jadoo is a Bollywood character on the lines of Spielberg’s ET.

Jadoo was sent back to space 15 years ago when the shooting of the film,marketing etc was completed.

Sources from Nasa, on the condition of anonymity, has admitted “Jadoo established a contact with Nasa 4 years back and suggested them to have a human-alien partnership in Space. Since he had been to earth and humans learnt about his species.

He wanted their men to see how humans are. Considering the services of Jadoo to humanity ,Nasa guys gave a go ahead and Christina Koch was sent in space almost a year back”

Nasa director informed reporters”Nasa stands for species across galaxies and is looking forward to take this man alien bonding to create new civilizations”

 

Donald Trump latest satire in election campaign 2020

ATTACHMENT DETAILS Trump-nancy-shreds-political-satire-witty-news-article

Doland Trump does it again after corona ..The man declares he is the chosen one ..He indeed was the Elected one . But Trump we all know NEVER LIES 

Donald Trump latest hug is drawing rave reviews from hollywood critics.Trump cried for getting acquitted in impeachment trial so early before the US presidential elections.

He was hoping this high giving trial will carry on for few more months to keep him engaged in the hottest way of managing America .

He just hugged his body double from Hollywood to pose for the perfect hug. It was an act of acting to fake news guys about how he feels for them. He also announced there will a huge hug series with serial huggers like Indian PM Modi as leading contender for the hug title.

He did give a big daddy look to Washington Post journalist who could not bear his intensity matching only with class of Hitler in jojo Rabbit or a Joker with 11 oscar nominations this year.

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Trump was emotionally drained to accept the fact that now he won’t have anything much to tweet for at least coming 6 months.With nancy shredded,Joe bedded and hunter dreaded,Trump was left lonely to imagine issues and tweet.

He informed ‘daddy’s girl’ Ivanka that he is now bored of these Al Qaeda terrorist wearing same boring dresses during the kill and much boring names to spell in press conferences.

For the last 4 months,he had maintained a tight 24 tweeting hours schedule which involved 73k tweets about Nancy in the morning, 730k in afternoon on why Democrats suck , 73k tweets after 8 P.M.on how he is making america great again.

His tweets with such a harmonious frequency of coming out has been a symphony matching none lesser than the likes of Mozart.

While reflecting back on his presidency somedays Donald Trump also tweets about evil EVILS who played double bad with his 3 sons,2 wife/ex wife and his very own lonely himself.

Donald Trump who is now 73 years of age was seeing his daughter photos in one hand and looking at Trump jr twitter profile about his India Visit was finally thinking DONALD TRUMP is good for india.

Donald Trump latest Satire on election campaign 2020

Satire:Donald Trump latest news update says that he was joking to Ukranian premier about lack of hard hitting PUBG players in Ukrain.

Trump tweets “This phone call is reconfigured by doing maths with my artistic words. It was cooked as the final transcript and shared with white house black sheep.

i will rear this ba ba ba ba black sheep guy in the rears of my beautiful ranches when i am done playing golf with Democrats.”

He further added that “PUBG phone call was manipulated,modified only to sound like a credible Jk Rowling Harry Potter.Fake news guys are faking truth to avoid trump lies to grow on pure american minds.”

His Spicy tweets have twisted the matter in his favour just hours before the trails are over. He will be acquitted free, like freely free to make make America great again.

As per him, Ukranian fiasco is the result of Russian hackers with screwed minds to loosen the bolts of American Greatness.

As per Trump latest tweets “Words like Nancy,Joe,Biden will be democratically deleted from american dictionary after 2020 election”.

Biden will be asked  to sit in his house and watch Friends series to act exactly like Joe of Friends rather than trying to be bond,James bond in America.

Trump further adds “although joe has two dens in his surname ,he deserves a single den after US presidential elections in 2020”.

Trump accused Pelosi of not using shredders to tear the Sotu speech .”Our employment is already on a 50 year and this lady is not bothered to use advanced machines of America for ripping such papers.

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Democrats have added a big, big zero to economy”

Donlad Trump latest news report is from his last tweet “This Hunter guy has really disturbed my morning filtered coffee sessions with my daugther over the last 4 months.

Hunting will be prohibited across America and its hottest economy on earth.”